Blog #3: Benchmark Prose Essay and Reflection

This excerpt from Louise Erdrich's The Beat Queen describes the journey of two children into a new town and unfamiliar surroundings. Erdrich articulates the affect of the environment on the children through the use of literary devices such as tone, point of view, and imagery.

The tone throughout this excerpt is indicative of the narrator and characters' feelings and thoughts in response to their surroundings. The descriptive methods and elements used highlight this in examples such as "Mary trudged solidly forward" and "hunched with his sudden growth." In addition, the tone tends to be unusually sympathetic towards Mary, focusing on her distraught emotions towards the second half of the excerpt.

The point of view of this excerpt plays a vital role in setting the scene and introducing a new environment to the readers. The perspective used is third-person limited as the primary focus of this passage is the adaptation of Karl and Mary to the new location. However, the narrator tends to concentrate on Mary as an individual. This is seen when Karl is facing the dog and only Mary's fright is described.

Erdrich uses many instances of various imagery in this excerpt, such as the environmental and agricultural references she makes when writing the description of the setting. The first sentence begins the journey of setting the image in the readers' minds when the description starts with "before they planted beets." Prior to any information given about the setting, the readers already have an introduction to the upcoming natural imagery. Indeed this agricultural image is seen again in the middle of the second paragraph: "Wheat was the big crop then, and the topsoil was so newly tilled that it hadn't all blown off yet...". This intersection not only serves to set the location but also vaguely gives the readers an idea bout the time period the passage is set in through words such as "then", "newly tilled", and "yet". Additionally, the imagery in the third paragraph serves to describe the new location the children have arrived at. Phrases such as "dirt and planking", "false-front", "gilt letters", and "weathered gray or peeling paint" sets a dull and morose image in the minds of the readers. This also shows the impact that the environment has on the children.

Reflection

I would give my essay a 5 because of my fairly vague and faint analysis of the literary devices mentioned in the prompt. I only briefly discussed the role of the tone and point of view and did not connect my points about imagery with the impact of the environment on the two children. When I wrote the essay, I had to read the passage multiple times in order to understand some of its confusing parts, such as the second half where Karl begins to act bizarre. This took away time from my writing and hindered my ability to correctly analyze the passage because I still struggled to fully comprehend each part of the passage. I would like to improve upon my comprehension of prose by reading more literature outside of class. Additionally, I struggled to finish my essay off systematically by not including a conclusion. Therefore, when I read over my essay again two days after writing it, the ending seemed abrupt and the flow of the essay was disrupted. I will improve upon this aspect by managing my time more efficiently on the next assignment so I can keep the format of my essay consistent.

Feedback for Kara Lennon http://lennonkaraapenglish2015.blogspot.com

I agree with Kara's scoring of her essay. It possesses the quality of a strong 7, while being very close to an 8. I very much liked her analysis of the literary devices of tone, imagery, detail, and point of view, which she incorporated effectively throughout her essay, even providing multitudes of quotes and in-text references to support her arguments. She consistently maintained her high caliber of writing, thus adding to the nuance of the quality of her analysis. However, while each individual element was evaluated accurately, Kara would need to bring these separate interpretations together to form one primary focus in order to score in the 8-9 range. This fragmented analysis, along with the occasional deviation from the thesis, is fundamentally what kept her essay from receiving a higher score.

Blog #2: Benchmark Poetry Essay and Reflection

Essay

George Gascoigne's poem, For That He Looked Not upon Her, is a perfect example of a traditional sixteenth-century poem on the theme of love. The poem is addressed towards the narrator's lover from the past, one that seems to have broken his heart and left him in a miserable state of grieving. The narrator seems pessimistic about his future as he uses numerous metaphors to articulate that he will not make a similar mistake again. Gascoigne incorporates the precise usage of the devices of form, diction, and imagery in order to portray the message of the poem and his attitude towards it.

The poem is written in the form of a Shakespearean sonnet, with three quatrains and a couplet, ten syllables in each line, and iambic pentameter. Gascoigne's choice of a sonnet results in a smooth flow of his ideas and message. In contrast, if he had written in free verse, the flow of the poem may have appeared more haphazard and thus altered the message of the poem and the mood it sets. In addition, Gascoigne uses the sonnet form to categorize each idea into a quatrain or into the final couplet. The first quatrain introduces the subject of the poem, the woman who has hurt the narrator, and the affect she has on him. The second introduces a metaphor for the situation that he is and compares his actions to those of a mouse. Another metaphor is included in the third quatrain, comparing the narrator to a fly. Finally, the couplet sets a conclusion for the poem and connects with the introducing lines.

Gascoigne incorporates diction and imagery primarily to emphasize the descriptive elements he uses to enhance his message. Words such as "louring" (line 2) and "scorched" (line 9) add a sense of realism to the meaning of the sentences and contribute to the imagery in a positive manner. The method in which Gascoigne describes his metaphors are also composed of elements of imagery. The mouse "lies aloof for fear" in line 7 and creates a visual image in the readers' mind, possibly setting a mood of emotion and sympathy. The "scorched fly which once hath 'scaped the flame" (line 9) creates a painful image and once again, a mood of sympathy in the readers' minds. The usage of alliteration in lines 8 and 14 also contribute to the elements of imagery and enhance the reader's feeling of sympathy for the narrator.

For That He Looked Not upon Her by George Gascoigne tells a heartbreaking story in a descriptive manner through the author's refined incorporation of imagery and diction as well as the form of a sonnet, thus emphasizing his attitude and articulating the message in a manner exquisite enough to impact the emotions of any reader.

Reflection

I would grade my essay at 6-7 range because of my effective organization and focus on the prompt. My analysis, although not completely absent, was not as convincing and extensive as I need to be to reach the 8-9 range. I believe that I would secure a score of 6 or 7 because I was able to articulate my ideas clearly and concisely while offering a fairly rational analysis of the poem and its use of devices. I could have improved, however, by identifying further instances of imagery and diction to elaborate on those points with more examples. In future essays, I will work towards being able to look beneath the surface to recognize more profound uses of devices that the author has used to convey his message.

Revised Essay

George Gascoigne's poem, For That He Looked Not upon Her, is a perfect example of a traditional sixteenth-century poem on the theme of love. The poem is addressed towards the narrator's lover from the past, one that seems to have broken his heart and left him in a miserable state of grieving. The narrator seems pessimistic about his future as he uses numerous metaphors to articulate that he will not make a similar mistake again. Gascoigne incorporates the precise usage of the devices of form, diction, and imagery in order to portray the message of the poem and his attitude towards it, all the while using these and other devices to develop his message of grievance and betrayal through shifts throughout the poem.

The poem is written in the form of a Shakespearean sonnet, with three quatrains and a couplet, ten syllables in each line, and iambic pentameter. Gascoigne's choice of a sonnet results in a smooth flow of his ideas and message. In contrast, if he had written in free verse, the flow of the poem may have appeared more haphazard and thus altered the message of the poem and the mood it sets. In addition, Gascoigne uses the sonnet form to categorize each idea into a quatrain or into the final couplet. The first quatrain introduces the subject of the poem, the woman who has hurt the narrator, and the affect she has on him. The second introduces a metaphor for the situation that he is and compares his actions to those of a mouse. Another metaphor is included in the third quatrain, comparing the narrator to a fly. Finally, the couplet sets a conclusion for the poem and connects with the introducing lines.

The major shifts in tone and focus taking place throughout the the poem are vital to the development of the speaker's attitude. The opening shot reflects the speaker talking to a woman directly, his tone appearing sorrowful as seen by his "louring head" and "no delight" in his eyes. The speaker therefore leaps straight into setting his initial tone and attitude. The next shift in focus is achieved through the incorporation of diction. The speaker explicitly states his indifference towards the current happiness of the woman through the line "gleams which on your face do grow." Furthermore, a shift in both tone and focus is then seen through the first metaphor used by the speaker, describing the mouse and its trap. The figurative language and cynical tone show the speaker's empathy with the mouse in that he too will no longer trust another after being hurt by his previous lover in lines such as "seldom 'ticed with trustless bait." The second metaphor relates the author's situation to a mouse through a shift in focus while continuing the tone from the previous example. In "play again with fire," he is thus portraying the same message and attitude of betrayal as he informs the reader that he will not put his heart in danger ever again. Finally, both tone and focus experience a shift back to the woman's eyes ("your blazing eyes my bale have bread"), also mentioned in the beginning of the poem. The use of this device of full-circle ends the poem in a conclusive manner, thus referring back to the speaker's initial attitude and comparing it with shifts seen throughout the poem.

For That He Looked Not upon Her by George Gascoigne tells a heartbreaking story in a descriptive manner through the author's refined incorporation of imagery and diction as well as the form of a sonnet, thus emphasizing the shifts in his tone, focus, and attitude and articulating the message in a manner exquisite enough to impact the emotions of any reader.

Feedback for Kelly Wu http://wukellyapenglish2015.blogspot.com/

I would grade this essay at a 5-6 level primarily because of the somewhat vague analysis of Gascoigne's use of the devices of diction and imagery. Although the analysis is constructed well and does not include any misinterpretations, Kelly could have gone more in depth when developing her points. She did a good job of using references to the text in her second paragraph, when explaining Gascoigne's use of diction. However, she did not continue doing so through the rest of her essay. Additionally, Kelly superficially touched upon the topic of the form of the poem, which was a sonnet, the author's choice of which could have had a significant purpose. It seems that Kelly ran out of time towards the end of the essay, as she rushed through the last paragraph, quickly introducing a new point without getting a chance to elaborate on it further. Because of the time constraint, she also lacked a conclusion, which could have been beneficial in bringing the essay back to a focus. I would recommend that in future essays, she manage her time more efficiently in order to have consistency throughout the piece. Finally, I would advise that Kelly stay away from using first person pronouns in the essay ("Although I have never seen a mouse trap") since this contradicts the professionalism she had used effectively before.

Feedback for Kara Lennon http://lennonkaraapenglish2015.blogspot.com

Kara does a good job of grasping certain aspects of the poem, such as the fire motif and the animal imagery. However, she briefly touches upon them and does not elaborate further, thus being somewhat superficial in her analysis. In addition, she does not answer all parts of the question, missing out on the topics of diction and form relating to the author's attitude. She uses references directly from the text when appropriate but relies merely on paraphrase when expanding upon her points. Therefore, I believe that this essay would be at level 5 since Kara needs to improve on her analysis, organization, and development to reach the 6-7 range.

Blog #1: Multiple Choice Reflection

Recently, our class took our first practice multiple choice AP test. Although this wasn't a true representation of the actual exam, as we only attempted 25 questions in a short period of time, I was able to distinguish my weaker areas from my stronger ones and envision the amount of work I would need to put in to master this part of the exam. I have realized that the area in need of most practice is my comprehension of poetry, possibly due to my lack of ability to grasp the meaning of a passage when presented in a more inventive and unconventional manner than regular prose passages. For me, this was the most important realization that arose from this assignment, as most of the questions that I had answered incorrectly were from Shakespeare's Richard II.

A resulting effect of not being able to comprehend some passages efficiently is not being able to use context when a question asks about specific lines. This is especially significant as often times, the answer choices include an option that pertains to only the lines mentioned, but does not correspond well with the overall context of the passage. This was another hinderance that prevented me from answering both specific questions and those based on the passage as a whole. Having learned through this experience, I now know that I must act upon this weakness of mine to significantly improve my skills and analytical abilities, which can be done by increasing my exposure to poetry in order to gain training in comprehension over time.